Food Funerals and Learning Curves

I love food. I didn't get to 379 pounds because I ate like a fucking bird. Nope, I loved all kinds of food. I especially loved good food; well made, good ingredients, highly flavored food. Since surgery I've pretty much given up most food since I can eat 3 to 4 bites and I'm done. I'm sad about giving up that food where before I wasn't. There are certain things they don't tell you before surgery. No matter how many boards you join or how many support groups you attend no one can realy describe the frustration with not being able to eat anything because it's truly hard to describe what that feels like.

It's impossible to explain to someone that removing part of their stomach will change their taste buds. Seriously, someone I know who had this surgery told me it happened to her. I thought she was crazy. I'd just like to say I still think you're crazy Kenna just not about that! How do you explain to someone  that after surgery it will take them an hour to eat 1/4 of a cup of refried beans but they can drink a 24 oz bottle of water in that same time? Oh, but not togehter. NEVER together. That's like the golden rule of  WLS - Thou Shalt Not Eat and Drink At The Same Time.

Every day is a new learning curve. I can't seem to shop properly yet. I still try to buy things for the eater I was before. I've wasted more food now than I ever did when I was a normal eater. Part of it is because I can't eat it fast enough but a part of it is one bite of the food and I'm like nope, not gonna happen. And my husband can't eat it because of the salt content. Some things that I can't eat - tuna fish (oh dear god, no) Dannon fit and lite greek yogurt (that shit tastes so nasty and artificial) powdered protein drinks (yeah, vomit inducing).

Today is another adventure in shopping land where I'm going to head out and see what kinds of trouble I can get into at Trader Joe's in the cheese isle. I thank the WLS gods that cheese seems to be a wonderful food for me after surgery because some days that's all I can eat. I'm thinking fresh mozzarella needs to make an appearance in my life. I may add some canned peppers as vegggies since they're nice and soft and see how that sits on the tummy. I know olives do well.

How Does One Survive on 600 Calories A Day? Plus, a stall and a new job

What do I eat now that my stomach is basically the size of my thumb? Not a lot. I can usually manage about one or two bites of food at a time. What does a typical day's menu look like? Well, last week I ate an ounce of greek yougurt with a defrosted strawberry blended into it and a packet of stevia. For a snack I had a bottle of Muscle Milk protein drink. Lunch consisted of an ounch of sugar free pudding and dinner was a mini baby bell cheese. And, to wrap it all up, for desert I had a lovely sugar free popcicle. Yeah, that's my day of exciting food.  Today I managed to eat actual food which was exciting for me. I had two thin slices of deli ham and a slice of Swiss cheese at lunch. I call that a success!

I'm 3 weeks out from surgery and I have hit what many people have experienced on my various Facebook boards have - the dreaded 3 week stall. I knew it was coming so I was prepared emotionally for it to happen. The scale has not moved in a week. In fact, it went up a few tenths of a pound. In the scheme of things who cares! I've lost 72 pounds so far and eventually this stall shall pass and I will continue moving back down the scale and will lose the weight. Stalls happen in this journey. It's inevitable. Success is how we handle those stalls without being discouraged so much that we sabotage ourself and our food plan.

This past week I've started a new job and I'm having to learn how to deal with less energy but still having to get work done. Even though my job is a desk job, it takes a lot of mental energy to figure out all of the steps involved in this new job. I've been thrown into the deep end with only 4 days of training. By the time I get home in the evening I'm physically and mentally drained. I've been gonig to sleep every night at 9 because I'm so exhausted. I'm hoping to start walking at lunch to up my energy level during the day. Adding real food to my diet should also help.

I visisted a friend today who hasn't seen me in awhile and of course he noticed immediately the amount of weight I've lost. It's funny how comments about how great I look don't make me feel like I'm great or special, they just make me feel like I'm losing weight. I attribute this to my therapist and the work we've been doing around my body image and my attitude about my weight loss and this surgery. The weight loss is important but what is really important is how my body feels.

Feeling Discouraged

My doctor moved me to what he terms soft foods - lunch meats, fish, moist chicken, tuna fish - and I can't eat them. It feels like they stick in the back of my throat every time I try to eat them. It's just so discouraging. So, I've moved back down to purees and really soft foods such as refried beans and yogurt and cottage cheese. I feel like I've failed or something at this even though there are others on this program who are on liquids for 4 weeks after surgery. I really wanted to move off of protein drinks but it looks like I don't have that choice. I've always wanted to do everything perfectly and Slevlanka is really teaching me that perfection has no room in this journey. Just when I think I'm ready to do things one way that little bitch decides to change the way things are done.